I’m not really sure how I feel about this.
My mother and I had a conversation this morning about how the days were getting brighter and sunnier and how lovely that was. We discussed wanting to sunbathe in the garden. The back garden though, not where people could see us.
Now, we both said we’d prefer to sunbathe topless. It’s just our preference. But then my mother suddenly said she might not do so in case my brother sees her or is around.
My brother is fifteen years old. I am sure he has seen breasts before, seeing as there is porn everywhere and in the media. I am also sure he is intelligent enough to tell the difference between sexualised breasts (i.e when a woman wants to show them to you in a consensual sexual situation) and just normal, hanging there, perky, happy, natural boobs.
I asked my mother why she would hide from my brother and she said she didn’t want to upset or disturb him. I pointed out that my brother often strolls around the house without a shirt on and nobody gives even the smallest fuck about it.
Is this the patriarchy? I think it is. My mother’s breasts probably fed my brother at some point. And now he might be ‘offended’ or embarrassed by them?
And what about me? I told my mother I would probably sunbathe topless regardless. I mean, I’d let him know so he didn’t get a shock, but at the same time, I wouldn’t act as though my breasts are shameful and must be kept secret at all times.
Why on earth should we be so worried about hiding out boobs from boys and men? I don’t see them ever freaking out or discussing whether their bare chests might disturb us. They just do their own thing.
So I am going to sunbathe topless. Because I want to. Because my body isn’t something to be ashamed of. The patriarchy has sexualised two perfectly natural parts of my body, there for feeding any future babies, should I choose to have them. And that’s the patriarchy’s problem. Not mine.
This has been a post of confusion and venting.